Not Enough
by chillicrab
Summary: Why was Edward so upset when he heard a tragedy that had befallen to Bella, his wife's friend? One-Shot. AH. Edward/Bella.


**DISCLAIMER: Twilight is obviously not mine. **

**This story is rated M.**

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><p><strong>Finding Edward readers - please read AN at the bottom of this story. <strong>

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><p>Torture time. Well, it was actually dinner time but that's not the term Edward would use. It was the only time during the day they would have to sit together as a family on a table. Kate was as usual going on and on about the latest gossip which Edward had no interest in hearing. Either he had mastered his fake-listening skills, or Kate just yet again was too absorbed in her own story-telling to notice, nevertheless she was still on a roll. He was just getting ready to leave the table when he heard the tail of Kate's supposedly sordid story.<p>

"... I asked Bella to come stay with us for a while but she refused, and.."

_Bella? _

"What did you just say?"

Kate frowned and held her spoon mid-air, pointing it at him. "Did you not hear what I just say?"

"Sorry dear, I had a lot in my mind," He had perfected this particular act so well, that Kate just shrugged and restarted her story after his cue. "You remember my friend Bella, the one with her daughter the cute little Maddy? Maddy is our Rachel's best friend, they have play dates here sometimes?" She made sure she got his attention then, and he nodded at this. Satisfied, she continued, "Well, last week there's this news. Her husband, that handsome army guy, you know. He was deployed in... oh Lord knows where. I can't remember now. Could've been Afghanistan. Somewhere in the Middle-East, you know, where all the war is going on. Seriously, what's with all this war, and why do we have to send our finest men to go there just to..."

Edward got impatient as he could tell she's borderline digressing to swerving her way off-topic. "So what happen then?"

"Oh, well, yes. We are all just in shocked when we heard the news. Everybody was talking about it. The school was even going to hold a special ceremony..."

"Kate, dear." Trying to keep his composure as cool as possible, he asked, "What happen to Bella?"

"Since when are you interested in my friends? You hardly spoke to anyone." When she saw him remained passively indifferent, she made an exaggerated sigh, "You don't know when you're going to lose someone. One day you have a husband, and the next day, poof, he's gone."

His fork and knife shook as his hands accidentally fell heavy on his empty plates. "Are you saying, her husband died?"

"Yes, dear. Now she's desperate to find herself a job and she could be moving back to her hometown... Oh how awful, I wouldn't be able to see her. Rachel would lose her best friend. And the tragic story of how her husband die, for goodness sake. They couldn't even put his body back together, there was this bomb..."

He put his sound filtering back on and walked to the sink to empty his plates.

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><p>"Bella! Open up, please!" Insistently Edward was switching between knocking on her door and ringing the bell. When that didn't work, he called her cell phone and in an instant he could hear it ringing from inside the house. In fact, he could hear it so close that he knew she was standing by the door. He kept knocking while his ear was glued to his phone.<p>

"Bella! I know you're in there, I can hear the phone ringing!" When it went to her voicemail he hung up and redialled.

"I won't leave until you see me!" The phone kept ringing and ringing and then it went to the voicemail, again.

"Please, baby," he whispered the last bit. "Please open the door..." His voice cracked up from all the shouting and the desperation that hit him. He fell on his knees and leaned his forehead on the wooden door. "Please... Just... Please... Don't leave..." His pleas turned to chants and he just stayed there motionless, hoping the door would magically open.

He couldn't tell how long he was out there, but suddenly Edward heard the lock turned, and he quickly stood up. All he could see was her tears, and his heart broke. He moved forward and hugged her, guiding her inside and closing the door behind him.

"Why...? Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

Bella removed herself from his embrace and locked her gaze at him.

"Why? Why, you said?" she said with sarcastic tone.

"Yes. I could have helped. I could have done something. You at least need a job to survive. I could help with that, at the very least. You don't have to do everything yourself."

"And what would I say? Hey, fuck buddy, my husband died, can you help fill the blanks?" she shouted at him and he flinched at the term she used to describe them.

"You know it was never just a fuck between us, not from my side, at least." he said softly, his expression softened too.

She looked perplexed at his declaration. "I... How am I supposed to know that? We have this... this bubble that we live in when we're together, and how can we make it work in real life where we both have clashing commitments that would pop our little bubble in an instant?"

"So you don't feel I'm dependable enough for you to confide into? That you'd just pack up and leave? Leave me without saying goodbye?"

"I thought it was for the best. I wouldn't want to confuse you with responsibilities that weren't even yours to begin with."

Her gaze fell to the floor so he cradled both her cheeks on his palms and brought her eyes back to meet his. "Those responsibilities, I want them to be mine."

Bella was struck with the honesty in his eyes and for a moment she let herself indulging on this false hope and security. It was what she had hoped for, before all this happened, but now...

"You have other responsibilities." She glared at him. "Those should be your priorities, Edward. Not this. Not us."

"Bella, do you have any idea what kind of hell you put me into, when Kate told me that you're leaving town? It took all my strength last night to not run batting out of hell from there and straight to yours, begging you not to leave. Which is what I'm doing right now, by the way, in case you don't find it obvious."

"Let's say I did that, and then what do you suggest I should do? Continue where we'd left off?"

"I don't know. I haven't thought that far, yet, but I only just found out last night. I will come up with something."

"What, I dare ask? What will you come up with? Whatever you will come up with, there will be more and more lies, and it's never enough. It's not enough anymore, Edward."

Edward walked to the sofa, sat there and started pulling on his hair.

"Do you want to know why I cried so much this last week?" Her question stilled his hands and he looked up. She was still standing by the door, her gaze empty to the floor.

He spoke softly then. "Because you lost your husband, and you... remember how much you love him and that you're going to miss him?"

But she shook her head no. "I cried for Maddy, because she lost the father she adored so much. I cried for his family, because they lost their beloved son. But most of all I cried because this would mean the end of us. I am going to lose you. I couldn't stay here and pretend this little bubble is enough for me. It's not anymore. I want more. I've always wanted more. But I couldn't do that to you. I couldn't do that to Kate."

When she didn't hear his response, she continued, "How selfish am I, right? Here I am, a woman who just lost her husband, and she's crying not because of that, but because she's losing her fuck buddy. Her friend's husband, nonetheless." She started crying again before she finished her sentence, and he was back at her side, stroking her soft brown hair, slowly guiding her head to his shoulder.

"How awful am I, that when I saw you crying I was almost overcome with jealousy for a dead man? Worse yet, upon hearing your confession just now, I felt a small victory that even though he's your husband in paper, I'm the one who has the ownership of your heart? I love you, Bella. I love you even before we started this stupid affair. I offered the sex-only proposal only because I thought you wouldn't say yes otherwise. Surely you would question my sanity. Which married man would confess falling in love to a woman he had just met? But I know even you couldn't deny the physical chemistry between us, so I just went with that. From the first time you let me hold your hand, after the initial awkwardness had passed, I poured all my emotions and love into every touch, every words. I could be myself when I'm with you. And with you, it was always making love. Don't ever think otherwise."

He could still hear her sniffling, but he couldn't see her face since it was buried in his shoulder.

"Bella? Please say something..." He lifted her jaw to force her to look at him.

"I... I love you too, Edward, you have to know that."

Edward did a fist pump in the air then turned to her, "Why do I sense a but coming?'

She smiled at his attempt of playfulness. "Yes, a big but. Kate."

"You know I never was in love with her. While you and Mike got married too young because his family wanted him to have a girl back home to come back to before he was enlisted, me and Kate got married too young because she got pregnant. After I met you, I couldn't even force myself to have sex with Kate. I couldn't do that to you. Luckily she never ask for it because she had been getting it from other sources."

At this, her eyes went wide in disbelief. "What? You never told me that!"

"I'm neither stupid nor blind. However, I didn't know how you feel about me, and I didn't want you to feel pity for me. I sorta need to have a wife to have an extra-marital affair with you, don't I? I didn't know how you would react if you find out that you and I are actually exclusive. I was afraid to lose you if I appear to be a clingy fuck buddy."

She giggles at his choice of term. "What? You said fuck buddy first!" He jabbed at her ribs, tickling her.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I didn't like the look on your face when I said that."

"It did hurt to hear I was a nobody to you, but it hurt more when I saw you cry. It wasn't just the jealousy. Seeing you cry your eyes out like that triggered something in me. I swear to God I will make sure each day I'd remind myself to work hard so I will never see you like that again."

What he didn't expect was her kiss that followed his statement. They've kissed many times before, but never like this. It was a kiss that said he knocked down all the brick walls she built around her heart. It was a kiss without any inhibitions. And when he reciprocated, he did with equal desperation. Desperate to get closer. Desperate to go deeper. Not close enough. Not deep enough.

"Bella, I want..."

"Please..."

They almost said at the same time.

"You... I want you. Oh God," he said in between kisses. Suddenly he has this overwhelming desire to kiss her everywhere. He deepened the kiss everywhere.

"Edward, please..." Clothes became offending restrictions. Unnecessary paraphernalia. Then they did the dance they knew best as they expertly explored each other. When they peaked together, he held her gaze in reverence and declared his love over and over. She cried, overwhelmed with exploding emotions that had been kept inside her for so long.

"Where do we go from here?" She asked when she heard his heart beat had slowed down close to normal.

"I don't know yet, but you're definitely staying."

"Yes. I'm definitely staying."

THE END.

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><p><strong>AN: I am back :) Between the last posted chapter of Finding Edward and now, I've relocated twice (once cross-country, and once cross-states). Between the moving about and the lack of time on hand to sit down and write. Heck, I don't even have time to sit down and read. :) That, and I'm lacking inspiration and motivation. Saying that, I did promise to finish the story, and I always take my promises seriously. <strong>

**I will update FE soon. Sorry for being MIA, and thank you for your patience, whoever is still here. **


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